EBE | Christmas PicksEmpty Bottle Evenings

Dec202015December 20, 2015December 20, 2015No Commentby Bake

EBE | Christmas Picks

Posted in Music

It’s ony 5 days away from the joy and wonder of Christmas. You may be excited to see friends and family, to score some presents, and maybe to eat some roast beast, whatever the fuck that is Dr. Seuss. Or you may be sick of the commercialism, your in laws, and red and green everything. Sometimes it’s hard to get in the mood of the holiday season. But what better way than planning your holiday playlist? Drinking. Okay sure, but here’s my personal Christmas favorites. Some are classics, some are newer covers, and some might just be weird combinations like Stephen Colbert and musician/actor/possibly psychopath Henry Rollins getting together for “Carol of the Bells”:

A lot of people get annoyed because Christmas music is made up of mostly the same 30 songs but still they can be enjoyable if you follow the same script on how to enjoy the holiday in general: Get drunk first and try not to take anything too serious.

10) John Lennon | “Happy Christmas” – Leave it to Lennon to inject a Christmas song with poltical statements. He’s the jerk at your holiday dinner who brings up abortion out of nowhere and takes pleasure in the awkwardness of the entire family kept quiet because your little cousin Alan just found out he survived the procedure by accident. It’s a Christmas miracle!

9) Jimmy Eat World | “Last Christmas” – The emo-ish cover version makes this Wham song slightly less effiminate (I know, amazing that JEW can make something sound tougher) but the lyrics are made for an emo band anyway. You should be spending Christmas getting your mother something nice anyway, not ruining everyone’s day just because you got a crush that didn’t work. Grow up George Michael.

8) Bing Crosby | “White Christmas” – This song always gets me because of my association with Home Alone and the ba doop ba doops but really we need this song on here because racism. What’s Christmas without a healthy helping of casual family racism. But unlike your grandmother/brother-in-law/aunt at least Bing could sing.

7) Bad Religion | “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” – I’m picking the first track of this album, but really anything from it is great choice for this week. Unlike many punks Christmas songs, it keeps the balance between punk and staying true to the original right in the middle. It’s beautiful like a punk in the face.

6) Transiberian Orchestra | “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo” – Yeah it’s pretty cliche by now, but there’s a reason why people are still listening to this song 20 years later. Because Santa love metal riffs and guitar solos.

5) Ella Fitzgerald | “Sleigh Ride” – This song is a personal favorite because the close to December 25th it gets the more likely I am to hum/scramble the words outloud by myself like Peter Griffin. I enjoy it. No one else around me does.

4) Mariah Carey | “All I Want For Christmas is You”– Because in 1994, all I wanted for Christmas was Mariah Carey. These days, meh, I’ve had better. I’m lying, I still love you Mariah.

3) Darlene Love | “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” – One of the few Christmas songs when someone sounds like they actually care what they are singing about. She misses you, can’t you hear it in her voice? Just go home for a day, you jerk.

2) The Pogues | Fairytale of New York – In case anyone forgot, Christmas can still be miserable and the people around you can be awful. Listen to this and laugh about it. Or cry. Or find better people.

1) Various | O Holy Night – I think Christianity is ridiculous and the myth of Christmas is a lovely story that is probably 95% bullshit. But this song despite being an overtly religious is still so hauntingly beautiful that somehow I am able to overlook all the bowing on your knees to the Lord sort of thing. It’s not an easy song to sing but lot of singers with booming voices like Mariah Carey, Josh Groban, Mahalia Jackson, Whitney Houston, David Foster, and Jennifer Hudson have made memorable attempts. I won’t judge which version is the best because for me this song begrudginly moves me no matter who sings it.